I'm glad I can find someplace to say it out-loud.
My close friends know, my family knows, but I'm tired of keeping it a secret online just because my boyfriend is afraid to tell his mom.
I was told to keep my first pregnancy a secret by my ex when we were in high school and he wanted me to have an abortion. Well I didn't want to have an abortion but I never receive prenatal care nor did i take the vitamins. My mother didn't even know I was pregnant till I told her right before she rushed me to the hospital because I was miscarrying.
I felt like keeping my first pregnancy a secret was a terrible mistake and I hate doing this again.
Since my first pregnancy I moved away from my family (approx 2 hours), and live in Westland (near Detroit).
I hate this house...
The floor is sinking and its too the point it is unrepairable. The furnace has never been changed and I am pretty sure the only upgrade this house has had in the past years of my boyfriend's family has owned it is a new roof and a small addition.
his mom moved to Arizona 9 ish years ago and made him move into this house 5 or 6 some odd years ago. I don't understand how she made him but from what I have heard form our neighbor shes manipulative.
She had him move there to watch her stuff and pay the bills, supposed to be cheaper or some shit which turns out it wasn't. I moved here June of last year.
I have learned that there is a cat who is sick and has been for the past 2 years... like shits and diarrheas everywhere. He HAS NOT taken her to a vet. I feel just as guilty though because I was making money at one point and I never took her either... But fuck its not my cat and he doesn't seem to care why should I? I have felt so bad about this animal because she gets worse and worse. Then there is another cat.... HE PISSES ON FUCKING EVERYTHING!!!!
Usually we clean up the stuff right away but sometimes we don't find it till later on. And since i cant touch cat shit the shit piles up. Boyfriend isn't really in the best care of the house.
I mean fuck since I've been here there hasn't been any cushions on the couch from the dog eating them.
There is also holes in a bunch of the walls. windows have been boarded up.
Its obvious his Mom and Dad while they lived here didn't throw out a fucking thing... and just bought the most random ass shit. And part of my boyfriend "taking over" the house was that he couldn't move anything or throw anything out.
Needless to say there is no room for me... I basically live out of a closet and a couple cardboard boxes... which don't fit either. And quite frankly I'm tired of throwing all my shit away to make a little more room in this closed up house...
He wont move- before I was pregnant he said it would be fucking over his family but honestly his mom fucks him over... A LOT
He's not a bad guy... He is wonderful... Just sucks I feel like he'd pick his mom and animals over his newborn child...
I hope you guys understand that I feel like I cant raise a child here. Especially a toddler that will explore the house and have something heavy fall on them or find something in of the of holes in the wall and eat it or something. Or eat the cat shit... or lick the piss off of something...
I want to raise a kid in a kid friendly home, with a couch with couch cushions and not just a frame that smells like cat piss and shit (which he says we cant throw out cause his mom who hasn't been here in 10 years says not to). I want to raise a kid in a home were I am not afraid of them waking up before me to get into a hole in the wall. I want to raise our kid together, in a happy place were windows aren't boarded and you can fucking walk around at night without the fucking fear of getting mugged or raped...
I want the best for them... I left everything for a man, and now I'm pregnant and I can't raise a kid here like this. I've hinted at these thing but I don't know how to bring it up as a whole without him flipping out on me. Its not him that's the problem its the house.
He watches me on deviant-art but I have a feeling he will never see this... and if he does he will know how I feel and it would make it A LOT easier...
I love him so much and would much rather raise a child with him in a child friendly home rather then being stuck 140 ish miles away (were my family lives) and him never being able to come up and see the kid (i have no vehicle anymore) because he chose to stay here.
Summery for the tl;dr people
Pregnant Girl lives in shitty boarded up house with holes in the walls with sick cat and a cat that ruins stuff by pissing all over it and doesn't want to leave because shes afraid the baby daddy will break up with her because he chose his moms shitty house.
EDIT: For you guys who think oh why iddnt you use protection I was told 3 years ago I COULD NOT get pregnant, and I havent gotten pregnant with anyone else since then either... He said he had tests before me years ago to say he had a super low sperm count